I’ve realized recently one of the big reasons I’ve struggled with my transition into motherhood: because my own mom is not here.
I was scrolling Instagram, and a woman I follow – who just had her second baby – posted a pic of her and her mom with the caption:
“This is my mother, and today she deserves to be honored. Today she went back to Brazil, after staying with me for two whole months. She waited on me hand and foot. She took care of me at my most fragile before giving birth, up until today. She left her home, her business, my dad and brother, just to take care of us. She cleaned my house, cooked, wiped my tears, advised me, laughed with me, taught me, loved me and my family every second of every day.”
I was immediately jealous. “That must have been nice,” I thought, “to have your mom around to take care of you during a time when you’re so weak and vulnerable.” Don’t get me wrong, Chris did a great job of taking care of me and our household when we got home from the hospital, but it still would have been nice to have my own mom around. Someone who understood what I was going through as I struggled to learn how to breastfeed. Someone who understood how much pain I was in after just experiencing a long, drawn-out labor. Someone to hold Aidan during the day while Chris and I caught up on sleep. Someone to wipe my tears away and tell me “It gets easier.”
I missed my mom during my pregnancy, I missed her while I was in labor, and I continue to miss her every day. I wish she was here so I could ask her for advice. I wish she was here so I could vent to her about breastfeeding. (She breastfed me and my three younger siblings, so I know she would get it.) I wish she was here so she could tell me about my birth story. I wish she was here so she could babysit Aidan. I wish she was here so my son could know his maternal grandmother.
It’s really hard not having your mom around when you become a mom yourself, but if I’ve learned anything from this, it’s that I want to do everything in my power to be around as long as I can for my own kids and grandkids.
So if you’re a mom and you’re lucky enough to have your own mom still alive and around today, give her a hug, tell her you love her, and please don’t ever take her for granted.