When I was single, sometimes I would avoid hanging out with my close group of friends because all of them were in relationships, and hanging out with a bunch of couples 24/7 reminded me of how I was without a special person in my life. A good example is this past New Year’s Eve: Instead of going to my friend Gary’s small shindig at his apartment after work where all of my coupled up friends would be waiting, I decided to go out to a bar with my single co-workers. This way, I could avoid that awkward moment at midnight where everyone would be making out with their S.O.’s except me.
There were times when I’d be able to hang out with my girlfriends one-on-one and get some quality time in. During our lunch dates and wine nights, I’d always make sure to ask them about their boyfriends out of courtesy and act happy for them when they would start talking about how wonderful [insert name of wonderful BF here] is. But deep down inside, I didn’t like asking, because it was another reminder of how I didn’t have an awesome boyfriend in my life, too. I especially hated it when my friends would then reciprocate the inquiry by asking, “So, are you seeing anyone right now?” to which I would answer with, “No, not right now./I was, but he turned out to be a jerk.”
Now that I finally have a wonderful boyfriend in my life, I can’t help but notice how the tables have slightly turned. Chris has become my new favorite topic of conversation and I will talk about him to anyone who’ll listen: I blog about him, I mention him on FB/Twitter, and I subconsciously work his name into almost every conversation I have. And now whenever I talk to my coupled up friends back home, I eagerly ask them about their S.O.’s so they can reciprocate the inquiry. Needless to say, it feels so nice to finally be able to share the happiness that they’ve been feeling for years.
The thing is, even though I am so incredibly happy in love and just want to shout it from the rooftop of my apartment building, I have to make a conscious effort to hold back in front of a lot of the friends I have here in Korea. Out of my close friends here, only one out of four of them is in a relationship. As for the other three? They’re not having the greatest luck with guys right now, so when I hang out with them, I have to try really hard not to talk about Chris too much in fear of making them feel the way I used to feel around my coupled up friends back home.
I say that I’m trying, but it’s difficult. Like I said, Chris is whom I love to talk about most and he makes me so happy, it’s hard to contain that happiness. Plus, this is the first time in my life I’ve had an amazing boyfriend to brag about. But that’s just it: bragging can be hurtful, like bragging to an unemployed person about your well-paying job that you love going to every day. When I think about how I felt during my pre-Chris single life, I realize that I don’t want to make my single girlfriends feel the same way, so I’m going to start holding back as much as I can. Yes, I’m in love and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life, but I don’t need to tell every single person I come into contact with. I’m happy and I know it, but I think the time has come to stop clapping my hands for a while, or at least not so loudly.