Sometimes, I get the feeling that a few of my friends don’t support my decision to get married right now.
The ones I suspect have never openly said “I don’t support you.” But I can just tell. It’s obvious when they NEVER ask about how the wedding planning is going or they don’t act excited when I openly talk about it. Or when they ask me “What’s the rush? Why do you want to get married so soon?” Or when I tell them I’m getting married this October and they respond with, “Wow, that’s so soon…”
I’ve thought about some of the reasons why my friends might not support me getting married right now: Chris proposed after we had only been together for a year; we’re planning on getting married seven months after we got engaged; I’m “too young”; Chris doesn’t have a job yet.
What it seems like to me: these friends are waiting until they’re 100 percent sure they want to be with their significant other/are in their 30’s/have better jobs/have been in their relationships longer before they get married; therefore, they think that I should wait, too.
If these are, in fact, the reasons why my friends don’t support me, then I understand where they’re coming from. They’re right: many people don’t get engaged after only being together for a year, and once they are engaged, many people wait longer than seven months to actually get married. Many people would prefer to have a job before they get married. Many people want everything in their relationship to be “perfect” before they tie the knot.
On the other hand, there are people who don’t care about everything in their relationship being “perfect” before they get married; Chris and I are some of those people. Yeah, we were only together for a year before we got engaged, but for most of that year, we worked our asses off trying to make our international long distance relationship work, and we did (I think that says a lot). Yeah, we’re getting married seven months after we got engaged, because that’s all the time we needed to plan and save for our little city hall wedding. Yeah, we’re getting married in our late 20’s and no, that’s not too young to get married. Yeah, Chris doesn’t have a job right now, but he’s going to get one eventually.
Chris and I aren’t the only people who don’t care about being in the perfect spot before we get married. I know a lot of married couples who aren’t in “perfect” marriages: my friend who’s a full-time college student while her husband works full time; my co-worker who works full-time while her husband is a full-time grad student; my old boss who is on disability while her husband works as a server in a restaurant; a blogger friend who works full-time while her husband searches for a job; NUMEROUS married couples who have been married for years and are STILL dirt poor. But you know what? Regardless of their less-than-deal marital situations, those married couples are still happy because they’re together, and that’s all that really matters.
Chris and I don’t want to wait until we’re in the perfect spot before we get married, because we know that there are always going to challenges and roadblocks that will deter us from attaining that perfection: one of us deciding to go back to grad school, one of us facing an unexpected job loss, not having x amount of money, etc. If Chris and I decided to wait until we had passed the aforementioned road blocks to get married, then it could be YEARS until we finally get married. And quite frankly, we are just too crazy in love and excited about marrying each other to wait that long.
It really upsets me to feel like some of my friends don’t support me in my decision, but I understand where they’re coming from. Hopefully, someday, they’ll understand where I’m coming from, too. And realize that just because my mentality about when to get married is different from their’s, that doesn’t make it wrong. I’m a big girl who knows how to make her own decisions, and my decision is to get married to the love of my life right now. And no matter what happens after we get married–job or no job, grad school or no grad school, money or no money– we know for sure that we’re going to be happy, because we’ll be together, and that’s all that really matters.